Reasons Why Narcissists Often Go After The Same Partners Over And Over Again

Narcissists are all around us, in fact, I’d like to think that we come across quite a few in our lives. The narcissist in your life might be in the form of a particularly overconfident self-absorbed boss who keeps letting people down. You might even come across a very narcissistic peer who likes to think that he or she is just the bomb and maybe you’ve had the bad luck of having a particularly narcissistic romantic partner. The simple truth is that people like this are all around us and they have a bad habit of coming back to haunt us!

“I have learned that people will stay, leave, save and destroy but by far the most dangerous thing they can do is come back.” -Beau Taplin

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A person who starts dating a narcissist sooner or later recognizes their partner for what they are. Such a relationship usually goes up in flames in the end and it’s always the narcissist’s partner that finds him or herself on the losing side. But after the initial shock of being left to the dust is wears off, people usually move on and realize that they’ve actually been saved from a world of pain. That is until their narcissistic ex comes back out of the blue and decides he or she wants in on their lives again.

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Why do these people keep coming back you ask:

This is because most narcissists don’t forget their exes. They like the idea of monogamy and choose a set of people who have entertained their narcissism in the past and decide on shuffling these people over time. Sometimes the women or men in this group of people figure out what’s happening and realize that they are simply a part of an endless recycling cycle but most of them don’t move on or like the idea of having the narcissist come back to them.

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 If its a cycle do narcissists actually love their spouses or partners?

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It depends on the type of narcissist you’ve come across. A narcissist usually follows a set pattern in every relationship they go into, they are lovey dovey and totally perfect to start off with and eventually they get bored and move on. The recycling narcissist does something very similar only they confine themselves to a select circle of people. Sometimes narcissists can be white knights and be loving as well, but a narcissist will follow the pattern you I’ve explained above.

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Now to the real question, Why do Narcissists recycle and move through the same set of lovers every time? How do they move on from one person to another so fast? Well, to help you along figuring out your narcissist ex we’ve decided to pen down some reasons that will explain why they do what they do.

They like looking for people who make them feel special:

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Not a lot people are ready to accept a narcissistic person because they demand a lot of attention and require praise like a normal person needs water. They also have a belittling attitude and it’s difficult to be around them unless you’re ready to meet their needs. People who usually let a narcissistic back into their life enjoy this sort of behavior from them, they enjoy the thrill of the spontaneity that the narcissist brings into their life every now and again, they like how nothing is boring or mundane about him or her. So, if you provided them with the satisfaction and praise they require chances are that even after they’re done with the cycle (being crazy in love and then getting bored) they will find themselves thinking of you and will be back to start it up again.

They think people are interchangeable and don’t hold value:

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A narcissist is a person who does not feel much empathy towards people. This goes for the people he or she claims to “love”. For them, people are a means to an end. If their partner is providing them with the things they need then will stay with them, if they aren’t, they can simply discard them as well. Because of this mentality, they usually end up coming back in a person’s life with little respect for the other person’s feelings, and they leave just as easily as they come back. The cycle of leaving and returning is endless and can go on as long as you comply.

It’s difficult for them to stay consistently loyal to a person:

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A narcissist gets bored very easily, and so it’s very hard for them to stay consistently loyal to a single person, so, they continue to move on from person to another and then in a circle again. They don’t have conscious control of over their emotions and feel very little empathy as I’ve mentioned before and so because of this disorder that they seem to have, they keep moving from one person to another.

They might be looking for an upgrade:

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Narcissists lack empathy and so flicking through people like a magazine is not a problem for them, so when their star starts rising and there life starts looking up they like to “upgrade” their lovers by moving into an upper society where they can find someone more showier to carry around on their arm like arm candy.


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If you have a narcissistic ex who keeps coming back in your life, maybe its time you moved on and made a conscious effort to remove them from your life. And while we that this can often be difficult because they bring a thrill with them that can be addicting, but what’s the point of having someone around for such a short time if they don’t care about you and won’t shed a tear if you’re gone. It’s important to know that everyone deserves someone caring and loyal in their life who actually cares about them. What’s the point of keeping the window open for someone who isn’t here to stay?

Article by Born Realist