Most of the people on the planet today are striving to create their reality by following what others are doing. Significantly, we can have better understanding from our own selves. Situations can be tackled and we can easily and effectively react to any given situation, the way we choose to. People like Bill Gates and Mother Teresa were aware of these rules and used them quite wisely. When people approached Mother Teresa and requested her to come for anti drug campaign, she rejected the request and replied,
“ If you ever have a peace campaign I would love to be a part of it”
She knew that what we focus on would increase. Fortunately, we have the right to choose our own focus. With time we have evolved and become better. I have come across people who have chosen work that gives them happiness and peace of mind. I believe they have made this deliberate choice simply because they focus on feeling good and satisfaction. Money, being a secondary priority. And this is How to say No.
When you are satisfied, things become well and you feel more enthusiastic in life. Life flows with you and you begin to believe that the life always wanted you. At the time when Steve Jobs was working in Apple he realized the importance of saying a “No” to things he did not want in life and /or in his products. During one of the Question and Answer session Steve Jobs revealed, “ Focus is about saying a No, which will result in really great products, where the total is much greater than the sum of the parts”.
Jobs greatest talents were selecting what not to include in a product, which helped him save Apple in going in eighteen different directions to do a few things better than any other company. He knew the significance of denying things, ideas, people and situations that he did not want to be a part of.
When certain people do not camouflage with you:
Significantly, when you are with people who do not match the way you think and talk, it becomes really delicate to tackle with them. Especially when you believe that you need them. I myself have gone through similar situations in life. When people seem to be annoying you, there arrives a need to say a flat denial to their ideas and presence. I took about 12 years to learn this. When people do not speak at your level and when their presence annoys you then you will have to say No, Thank you. “No”, to their presence. “No”, to their ideas. Though you cannot and do not need to say that upfront on their face, you can definitely act in a way that the other person realizes that completely.
Further, the theory extends in a more positive way. Completely, listening to the person, his request and understanding what he has to say. And not assuming that it is you, who has to complete the task, the major delusion in today’s lifestyle. Most of us when spoken about something believe that it is said because the other person wants us to complete it.
How to say no to anyone or for anything:
The word is “BUT”
Did you know in Neuro linguistic Programming ( NLP ) a science and an art of excellence they believe scientifically that the word “But” negates everything that is said prior to it in any given statement.
Example 1(how to say no): “Rohit, Can you get the Soup for me from the market”.
Reply: I could get but I believe Mr. Richard is waiting for me at the site.
In the above example see how the word but negated everything said prior to it.
I could get is a positive reply and But negated the reply.
Example 2(how to say no): can you do this for me today?
Reply: I am occupied with some priorities but I can consider doing it next week.
In the above conversation though we have used but we still have not completely negated on doing it. There may be the urge or willingness to do it at some level after the priority work has been completed.
Example 3: Can you do this for me?
Reply: I cannot do this for you but I can show you how it can be done.
In the above statement, the person does not want to do the work and has the intention to serve therefore he is ready to illustrate the way to do the task. People have now become more aware of the importance of saying No. Today we have begun to explore our limitations and strengths. We know what we can do and what we can’t.
Another remarkable way to say No (How to say no):
You will feel happy to know that there is another remarkable way to say “No”. Let me explain it simply with the help of an example:
Interviewer has to reject an applicant over a telephonic conversation.
The conversation begins:
Interviewer: Hello, Mr. Harley, I hope you are doing good today.
Applicant: Hello, Madam I am doing just fine, Thank you for asking. (Curiosity in voice tonality)
Interviewer: I apologize to inform you that we won’t be able to have you on board with us right now and ( a small pause ) the good news is that we will keep your application for our future requirement. Further we have also shared your application with our sister concern in the same city. There are chances that you may hear some positive news from somewhere soon if not today.
Here in the above illustration the interviewer gave a sad news and added a more positive news to compensate for the bad news. This will keep the individual pepped up and feel good about him.
Dalai Lama(How to say no):
As I am writing this I came across a beautiful quote by Dalai Lama, where he said; if you can love yourself then and only then it is possible for you to love others. And at times to love yourself and to remain kind towards yourself you can make choices to remain comfortable and happy. Therefore, it is really all right to say No to people, things, events and circumstances you do not want in your life. This is also connected to the theory to self-love and being kind towards oneself. As I am writing this I realized how deep this concept is going. How wide the roots of the concept are. See how the concept related itself to compassion and kindness.
How saying a No in itself is a wide subject to understand and contemplation.
This article(How to say no) has been written by Rishi Supriya Bhasin