How To Keep The Flame Burning In Long-Term Relationships

If you’re newly married or have just begun a beautiful relationship, but you fear the passion you feel will one day fade, take note: it doesn’t have to! A study by the American Psychological Association found that romance does not always fizzle. In fact, as time goes by, the intensity, desire for union, and that spark can – and does – go on for many couples, sans the element of ‘obsession’ that can characterize the early days of passion. The study looked into the relationships of 6,070 people, coming to the conclusion that couples who enjoy romantic love, are also happier. It indeed feels amazing when you feel attracted to (and desirous of) your partner, but are there any proven secrets to ensure you or your partner don’t lose ‘that loving feeling’?

The Importance Of Partner Support

In the study, researchers stated that a partner ‘being there for you’ facilitates happy feelings that foster romance. On the other hand, partners who feel insecure about their loved one are less satisfied. They are also more likely to have conflict with their partner, or take things to the extreme, becoming obsessive with their partner. As noted by best-selling author and couple’s expert, Harriet Lerner, it is important to let your partner know that their feelings, hopes and wishes matter to you. Thus, if you have promised to take out the trash on a given day, do so. If they have expressed a wish, try to make it happen. These actions have a unifying effect, which manifests itself in a better intimate life – one in which both partners are open to each other’s needs.

Romance Embraces Novelty

In the study mentioned above, partners who were simply companions (and no longer lovers) reported less happiness within their relationships. It makes sense when you consider that people are living longer than ever, and that even couples who have been together for 20 years, still have many years ahead – and still have a desire for passion, which is ageless. Indeed, a study published in this journal found that satisfied men and women are more likely to be happy within their relationship if they talk about or act out fantasies, do something different in bed, and experiment with toys with their partner. Yet none of this can be possible if couples feel that their needs and desires do not matter. Thus, an important way to keep romance alive is to actively seek out your partner’s desires, in all areas of life.

Keeping Touch At The Forefront Of Relationships

Romance isn’t all about talking; it also involves doing. Research by scientists at the University of Colorado at Boulder found that when a romantic partner holds hands with a partner in pain, the breathing and heart rates of both persons become synchronized, and brain wave patterns also partner up. The study is a powerful reminder of how touch can sometimes speak in far greater volumes than words. While pillow talk about each other’s wants and desires is key, so, too, is ensuring you remain affectionate throughout the day, using a warm embrace, hand holding, or cuddling up as ways to build the kind of union that is key if romance is to last.


It is fantastic to know that the myth of romance fading is just that – a myth. Keeping the flame kindled takes effort, though, but it if you love someone, it can hardly seem like you are making an effort at all. By ensuring your partner feels loved, respected and honoured, and keeping an open mind when it comes to enjoying new experiences (both in and out of bed), you can continue to fall in love again various times throughout your relationship. There’s something new to be discovered every day, but sometimes, the most important discovery can be found in the person you love the most.