Dating is fun but not necessarily easy. When you’re trying to find that special someone, then the pressure can make the process seem a bit daunting and even discouraging at times. You’re opening yourself up to the potential for rejection, which can sometimes make it difficult to look in the mirror and not doubt yourself.

In truth, there are plenty of reasons why you’re ultimately overthinking the situation, and it doesn’t have to be as bad as it seems. Getting the brush-off can happen for any number of reasons and is an inevitable part of the dating cycle. It’s essential to understand that moving on from a breakup is much simpler than you think.

You’re nice, but…

It seems that at some point, we’ve all heard how nice we are, but our partners just don’t reciprocate our feelings or claim there’s no spark on their end. This certainly plays into the stereotype that people prefer drama and are only attracted to bad girls or guys. However, acting against your nature is never a recipe for long-term relationship success, and ultimately, the more reckless partners don’t tend to display any affinity for permanent ties.

The odds are that you’ve used this line on someone else in your life. Think back to how you felt when rejecting that person. Even though they were pleasant enough and tried to bend over backward to treat you well, you just didn’t feel anything special for them no matter how hard you might have tried. No one can force romantic feelings. Fake it ’til you make it may work in some endeavors, but it will only lead to a hurtful experience for both sides in a dating scenario.

Even if you can’t put yourself in your partner’s shoes and can’t relate to their inability to generate a connection, just know there’s nothing wrong with you. Individual feelings and preferences are deep-seated sentiments that are often inexplicable, even after years of psychotherapy. If this weren’t the case, then there wouldn’t be the range of religions, political leanings, or even ethnic-specific dating sites like black and white dating at Afroromance. When you get discouraged, remember this quote from Dita Von Teese, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” Keep looking until you find someone who can’t help but adore you because that person is somewhere out there.

It really is them.

You may never know everything that’s going on with someone. There are plenty of stressful stages in people’s lives, especially when they are trying to improve their circumstances or career. It’s crucial for individuals to recognize that they need to take care of themselves before they can commit and make someone else a priority.

They could be facing issues like financial problems, family struggles, or maybe even health issues. Realizing the world doesn’t revolve around you can actually be very liberating. While you may not understand all the details of their lives, behavioral clues should indicate it’s time to move on to something else.

The good stuff

Some other great ways to get past the initial hurt is to go out with friends, watch comedies, or just immerse yourself in hobbies or activities that make you happy. At first, it’s tempting to want to curl up on your bed and replay the relationship over and over in your mind. It’s fine to think back on what happened occasionally to learn from the experience, and a good cry is often cathartic, but you can’t do this repeatedly. Keeping busy is one of the most effective ways to get past the heartache.

Nothing is easier than writing to assure people that rejection is par for the course and to shake it off. But then, it’s important to know this is a common phenomenon that millions of people experience and come out on the other end better for it. Take the good from it, learn from the bad, and start your next relationship armed with that much more maturity and sophistication.

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