We all have wished at some point in our lives to convince someone to do something we want. Persuasion is a skill which not everyone can master. What if it was possible to get someone to agree with what to have to say through a scientific method?
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NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. As the name suggests it encompasses three components: Neurology, Language and Programming. It deals with the correlation of the mind, language and its combined effect on our behaviour. Its groundwork was laid down by John Grinder and Richard Bandle. John Grinder had a background in linguistics and Richard Bandle was a gestalt therapist and had a history of mathematics as well.
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It is a complicated process based on the understanding of mental and cognitive processes behind human behaviour. It is another step in the direction of self-discovery, a better understanding of the human intelligence and effective communication.
Our better understanding of the inner workings of a human mind and how it is wired helps us to realize how our words and actions are perceived by others and what do we need to say or do in order to produce our desired results regarding how others behave. If we want to influence someone’s actions and get them to do our bidding, we need to use the right language and say the correct keywords. Only then it will have the desired effect on their behaviour.
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With some practice, you can learn and implement these simple tricks based on the NLP into your life and convince people of anything you want.
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Concealed Commands
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Imagine a scenario in which you are waiting tables at a restaurant. A guest walks in and you need to convince them to order a starter a from the menu other than the main course. When taking their order after they order their main course you ask “What would you like to start with?” You are wordlessly commanding them to order a starter. It will make them rethink their choice of not ordering a starter and even if they still not order one, it will at least make them look at the menu again. Instead, if you had said “Would you like a starter?” or “Any starters?” it would have been easy for them to just say “No, thank you.” With this simple change in sentencing, you can increase the chances of them ordering a starter.
Limiting the options
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When you ask somebody “Earl Grey or green tea?” or “Would you like tea or coffee?”, Apparently you are giving them a choice but actually, you are just giving them a choice in the type of beverage they want. Not if they want something to drink or not. If you had asked them “Would you like something to drink?”, they would have replied in a yes or no hence giving them the choice. They still can refuse to drink anything at all but the former way of saying it makes it harder for them to say no by limiting their options.
I Could, But I’d Rather Not
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If you’re in a situation where you could do something but you would like the other person to do it for you, for example, if you the trash in your apartment needs to be thrown out and you would rather that your partner does it. Therefore, you say “Hey, I can throw out the trash if you want.” with a slight emphasis on the words ‘if you want’. It will put the responsibility of that action on them and they are most likely to say “It’s okay, I will throw it out myself.”Win-win.
The culprit ‘But’
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But is a powerful word that can impact others opinions heavily. It matters a lot what you say before and after that word and it impacts the way people perceive that thing. For example, if say you say to someone “That restaurant has great food but their seating arrangement is a little congested.”, the person will immediately think the restaurant is not worth going to. Alternatively, if you had said “The seating of that restaurant is a little congested but the food is great.” the seating arrangement would not matter to the person as much and they will still be willing to go there.
Learn their deepest desires
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It can prove to be a challenge to figure out what people really want. It’s often left to guesswork which leads us to interpret their meaning wrong and create a communication gap. But that can be avoided. If you ask someone what they want, they will usually tell you what they do not want. However, you can still take control of the conversation and instead maybe ask them “If money and distance was not a factor, where would you wish to travel?”. This way, they will be forced to delve deep into their minds and better answer your question. Often times people do not think of scenarios that they think will not likely happen in real life. Hence, they become out of touch with their desires.
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By removing the boundaries of practicality, you are forcing them to look deep into their own minds. Only then can you learn about a person’s deepest aspirations when they discover it about themselves first.
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Incorporating these tricks into your daily communication can make you a much more persuasive person without being manipulative. However, NLP is a vast field of study and there are much more powerful communication tools to be learnt which can not only be implemented in our personal lives but in professional areas like psychotherapy, education, law etc. There is still lots to learn but this seems like a good place to start.
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Article by BornRealist